A New Season of Life

When our children grow up and move out, it can feel like a very lonely time. For years, we’ve felt needed, and then suddenly, we don’t. Sure, our kids still need us even as adults, but it feels different. It feels… quiet.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t like it. It was hard. I cried—almost daily. But on one particularly tough day, I remembered a conversation I had with a friend a year prior. She told me that hard times are often just seasons in our lives. They don’t last forever, and we can find more happiness and contentment if we focus on the season we’re in, rather than mourning the season we’ve left behind. The more time we spend focusing on what’s past, the more we lose sight of the present.

I took this advice to heart and decided to embrace my empty nest season. I realized it could be an amazing time if I chose to focus on it instead of dwelling on what I’d lost. And you know what? It worked for me. I believe it will work for you too, if you give it a try. It may sound a little silly, but it’s time to start dating yourself—and your spouse.

Date Yourself

Self-care is something most moms neglect, I know I did. We’re so busy taking care of our families that there’s often no time for ourselves. And when we do find time, there’s rarely any extra money. If there was money left in the budget, I was much more likely to spend it on the kids than on myself—it’s just in our nature. But that season has evolved. Now we have the time, and let’s be honest—we probably have the money too. If it’s important to us, we will find the funds.

So, grab your calendar and commit to at least one day of self-care each week. Whether it’s a hair or nail appointment, a coffee date with a friend, or a long, hot bubble bath—anything that helps you relax. Once you get into the habit of that one day, aim to add more. I personally aim for at least one self-care activity a day. Whether it’s reading before bed, listening to motivational podcasts, getting my nails done, walking on the treadmill, or splurging on Starbucks when I pass by one—these are all ways I help myself feel good. I’ve learned to value taking care of myself, and it’s been a game-changer. It’s a new concept for me, and I’m sure it is for you too, but once you get into the habit, you’ll see just how important it is for your mental health and overall wellbeing.

Date Your Spouse

If you’re like most couples raising a family, date nights tend to get overlooked. I remember when my kids were younger, my husband and I rarely went out alone. We were always with the kids. While I don’t regret all the time I spent with them, I now realize how important it is to spend time with my spouse too. And now that the kids are grown and moved out, we have plenty of time to reconnect.

Dating your spouse might seem like a no-brainer, but it takes effort. Sometimes, we go out with one of our kids and their spouse. Other times, we go out just the two of us. Just this past weekend, our oldest son and his wife invited us out to a new restaurant. We had dinner, chatted, and then went to the casino on our way home. It was the first time we’d been out in months. It was such a fun reminder of how much we enjoy each other’s company, and it sparked a commitment to do it more often.

We agreed that twice a month, we would go out—just the two of us. And once a month, we would meet up with one of our kids and their spouse for dinner, a movie, or some other fun activity. Of course, we might end up going out more often, but we promised to make at least one date night happen every month. To make this happen, we actually schedule it on a calendar posted on our refrigerator. We circle our date nights and decide where we want to go. It gives us something to look forward to, and knowing ahead of time where we’re going helps me plan what to wear. We both value this time, so we’ve made a rule: once the date is on the calendar, it’s not going anywhere unless we both agree to move it. Even then, we can change the day, but we can’t just remove it.

A New Season

Remember, this is a new season. It might look different from what you’re used to, and that’s okay. It was hard for me at first, but with a new outlook, I’m finding this season to be both fulfilling and promising. I believe you will too, if you give it a chance.