Reclaiming Your Life:  A Guide for Empty-Nester Moms to Rediscover Their Identity

Ah, the moment you have been waiting for:  your kids have flown the nest and now you have all the time in the world to do whatever you want – no carpooling, no more soccer practices, and perhaps, best of all, no more late night “Mom, I volunteered you to bake a dozen cupcakes for our bake sale tomorrow!” moments.  The house is quiet.  Perhaps too quiet.  Is that even such a thing?  So, now what?  How can you create a life that is just as meaningful but does not revolve around school projects and rides to the mall?  Is it too late to recreate your life?  Where do you even start?  Well, today is your lucky day.  I have outlined a few ideas to help you get started and reclaim a life you love.  

1.  Redefine “Free Time”

Remember when “free time” meant that blissful hour after the kids went to bed, and you could finally watch your favorite show and bring out the “adult” snacks and beverages without being interrupted by “Mom, I’m thirsty” or “I forgot, I have homework”. Well, now that the house is quieter, you might find yourself sitting there wondering what exactly to do with all this “free time.”  And the answer is anything you want!

Sign up for that painting class you always wanted to try but never had the time.  Take those dance classes or cooking lessons.  Learn to shake your booty or make the perfect pie – the choices are endless!  Find a new hobby – learn to knit, or sew.  Start that new craft project you kept telling yourself you would someday.  Well someday is today!

2.  Rekindle Old Passions (or Discover New Ones)

Remember the hobbies that lit you up before life became all about carpools and school lunches?  Whether it was painting, playing the piano, gardening, or writing – those passions are still there, waiting for you.

I dug my old journal out of a dusty box last fall and started writing poetry again.  At first, it felt rusty and awkward, but now, it’s become part of my morning routine.  Some mornings it comes easy, some mornings it does not.  It’s not about writing the perfect poem or coming up with the perfect idea.  It’s about the process.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just needs to bring you joy.  Make a list of things you used to love doing in your twenties or thirties.  Pick one to revisit this week – even if it’s just for ten minutes. 

3.  Master the Art of Spoiling Yourself (Because You Deserve it)

After years of putting others first, it’s your turn.  And before you even think about it, no, it’s not selfish – it’s necessary.  I started with my makeup drawer and my skincare routine.  They both needed a refresh desperately.  I can’t even begin to tell you the last time I did that.  I never realized how good it would feel using a new, better skincare. I feel like a new person.  Silly, I know – but it’s true.  Next, I started taking myself out to lunch once a week.  I used to hit up a drive thru on the regular but lately, I started going to a restaurant and actually sitting down.  Nothing fancy – just a time to sit, relax, and enjoy a nice meal.  I thought it would feel awkward at first but then something amazing happened.  I not only noticed other people sitting by themselves as well, but I actually enjoyed myself.  It felt like a treat and was good for my mental health.  Now, I treat myself once a week if at all possible. 

This stage of life is the perfect time to tune into what you need – whether it’s rest, adventure, or a gorgeous new lipstick you never thought you could pull off but turns out, you can!  

Try this:  create a “spoil me” list;  things that make you feel relaxed, beautiful, or just plain happy.  Do at least one of those things once a week – guild free.

4.  Reconnect with Friends (Or Finally Call That Person You’ve Been Meaning To)  

There is nothing more precious than sitting down and chatting with an old friend who remembers the silly things you both did back in high school or the time you cried over a breakup in college.  These are the people who remind you of who you really are, beneath all of the roles you played.  I recently had the pleasure of catching up with an old high school friend.  We reconnected via social media and I took the next step and gave her a call.  We talked for hours.  We laughed, we cried.  It was good for both of us.  We vowed not to let so much time pass by before we do it again.  Reach out to an old friend and message them today.  You might be surprised how a simple, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you” can open the door.  

5.  Get Comfortable with the “Empty Nest” (Or at Least Try)  

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, get comfortable with the idea of being an empty nester.  Sure, there will be moments of melancholy when you walk past your son’s old room or find your daughter’s old ballet shoes in the attic. But instead of being sad at the years gone by, smile.  Think of all of the fun times you had.  Parenting is hard. I mean, really hard.  But you did it!  Be proud of the kids you raised.  Now, it is their time to show you they are strong and capable. You did a good job momma – now enjoy a little “you” time.  

Being an empty nester isn’t about losing something – it’s about rediscovering someone:  you.  This is the season to be bold, curious, and a little indulgent.  Rekindle what you love, treat yourself like the queen you are, and reconnect with the ones who light you up.  You’ve spent years pouring into others.  Now, it’s your time to overflow.